Shhh!!!

It's secret time!

I don't fit in with the preschool mom crowd. I feel so out of place among those women. I am the fat one. I am the poor one. The moms are all different shapes, sizes and ages but I am by far the largest mom. I hate that! They all seem comfortable in their own skin too which just makes me more self conscious. I'd love to be one of those moms that looks good no matter what she wears. You know what I mean, she looks great in jeans and a tshirt and somehow manages to make sweats look good. What the heck? As far as I know they all own their own homes, they drive nice cars. Me? I rent a tiny tiny apartment and my van is forever breaking down. I know that those are material things and shouldn't matter but sometimes, just sometimes, I long to have those things. I know that sounds snobby,maybe it's just that I am tired of things being so hard!

Great Find

For Christmas my partner got one of these:

http://www.amazon.com/Presto-04830-PowerPop-Microwave-Multi-Popper/dp/B00005IBXK/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=home-garden&qid=1231506845&sr=8-1

Again, we were skeptical but are now oh so in love with it. Pour in 1/3 cup of popcorn kernels and in under 3 minutes in the microwave you have air popped popcorn (about 8 cups!). Air popped popcorn is a great healthy snack and yummy!

Check it out!

You're going to think it's crazy

I found a really yummy recipe but if you are anything like me you are going to read it and think it sounds crazy. I was skeptical, very much so. While browsing Hungry Girl I saw mention of making brownies or cake with diet soda. I couldn't find the recipe anywhere on that site so I Googled it and found many variations. Off to the store I went.

Here it is people;
1 brownie mix
1 can of diet soda (we had diet Dr. Pepper on hand)

Mix and bake according to directions on box.

The batter was fizzy and the end product looked funny but they are delicious!!! I am totally impressed. Substituting the diet soda for eggs and oil eliminates most of the naughtiness associated with brownies and they still taste great!! I made a square pan of brownies and cut it into 16 small squares. Each brownie has 125 calories and .625 grams of fat!!!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo!!!

There are many variations to this recipe. You can use any cake mix as well and various flavors of soda will give great flavor combos. A great frosting trick I read was to use fat free Cool Whip and Sugar Free Fat Free pudding mix for a tasty topping.

Dessert!! Hooray!!

Have you eaten any of these??

http://www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=the_11_worst_foods_of_2008

Link

A friend forwarded me an email the other day and I have since signed up to get my own. If you are looking for some healthy eating tips/recipes you should check it out!
http://www.hungry-girl.com/

Today's newsletter had a great minty shake recipe that was healthy! Yesterday I learned that Fiber One came out with frosted shredded wheat cereal, woohoo! my favorite!

OUCH!

I hurt my back. I have no idea how, it just started hurting out of the blue yesterday afternoon. I had to babysit, as well as, watch my own kids so I took some Tylenol and dealt with it. It felt better last night, sore but not excruciating, so I went for my nightly walk. I had company and walked a little slower than I would have normally and I felt fine. In the middle of the night I awoke to PAIN! Searing, burning, OMG I can't move pain. It still hurts today. Tylenol dulls the roar but doesn't make it completely better. I really just want to know what I did. I'm scared this will slow down the weight loss as I can't possibly get a good work out in if I am hurting. Sigh. It's always something huh?

The good news is that the scale has been moving again and I am now past the half way mark. It's a good thing too b/c I was losing hope. I was doing everything I was supposed to and nothing was happening, it made me want to eat cake :)

Progress

Another pound bites the dust!!! Yay!

Trying to Find Balance

Right now food is consuming my life. I think about little else. I am consumed with counting calories, looking for things to do so I don't eat and feeling guilty when I do eat. It's crazy! I long for a day when I can find more balance and no longer have to focus on every single bite of food I eat. I know that time is a long way away and it may get worse before it gets better but whew, I'm exhausted.

I'm counting calories to try and lose the 10% pre-op goal. I am also trying to implement things I know I will need to do post surgery. I have upped my protein intake considerably and am trying to follow the no drinking when eating rule. I have learned that I should not eat for 30 minutes before and 1 hour after eating. It will push food through to quickly and I won't feel full. This one is soooo hard!! I have always had a drink with meals and it's tough not too. The last thing I am trying to do is the hardest. I am cutting out the foods I probably won't be able to eat once my lap band is in place. The social worker told me that any food that I could take in my hand and squish into a ball will most likely not work with the band. This includes but is not limited to; pasta, bread, rice, bagels, muffins, some wraps, and, my favorite, cake! Wow, so many of those foods are my go-to comfort foods. I am trying to learn to live without them and that is a mental shift as well. I don't need FOOD for comfort. Aaaahhhh....so much to process.

OK, I'm off to bed while I feel full.....MUST FALL ASLEEP BEFORE HUNGER CREEPS IN!!!!
(BTW, have you seen the new Weight Watchers Momentum program commercials??? I love the way they portray hunger-so right on!!)

Success

While the eating hasn't been going as well as I wish I can say that I have been successful in the exercise department. I have been taking the dogs for two walks a day! They aren't long walks by any means but I hope to add to them as I increase my stamina. The snow and ice have been an added challenge and my calves are getting a great work out. It feels a bit like walking in the sand at the beach.

Friday I went and got my exercise bike and it now resides in my living room. It's ugly and I hate I have no other place to put it but it is what it is. I got on it yesterday morning and did 15 minutes. I was hoping for 30 but it was bothering my hip (since having kids I have hips that like to pop).

So I am up and moving and getting fresh air. As an added bonus my dogs are getting exercise too! Woohoo!

Secret Time

I understand, better than some, that people come in all shapes and sizes. I understand that it is not always that person's fault if they are overweight. I also understand that some people are happy with the size they are and feel no need to change.

That said, sometimes when I see obese people I cringe. I don't cringe b/c I think they are gross I cringe because I don't want to become them. I am not happy with the weight I am at now and the thought of getting larger horrifies me. I can't imagine my life in a larger size.

I use people I see in the community who are obese as a motivator. A few months ago at the grocery store I was eyeing some donuts and had just picked up the package when down the aisle came a man on an electric cart. He was quite large, larger than the cart, and it was enough of a wake up call for me to put the donuts back. Thank you cart man!