Now would be a great time for any and all lurkers to come on out and say hello!! The pre-op jitters have begun and I can use every ounce of encouragement you all can send my way. I know there are people reading this blog, that counter on the bottom keeps moving. Come out come out wherever you are!! :) To those of you who faithfully leave comments, thank you! It's nice to hear from you and your support is truly what keeps me going.
As for the pre-op jitters, yikes!! I'm back to thinking that I have already had 5 surgeries with no complications so I MUST be tempting fate by going in for another, right? UGH. It's not a horribly risky surgery but EVERY surgery has risks and I can't stop myself from thinking the worst. I'm also starting to stress about recovery. It seems most people either do really well and are up and around the next day with mild discomfort or people don't do well at all and it takes them weeks with a lot of pain. There seems to be very little middle ground. I am hoping, with all my might, that I will do well. With S being broken and on crutches I really need to be up and about as soon as I can. My mom will be coming to help as will S' mom but it's just not the same (if you know what I mean).
So come on out and leave a comment, I really need them right now :) THANKS!
Big Guy turns 5 in one month, where did the time go? I am very thankful for the boy that he has become. He is loving and kind, empathetic and a great friend. I truly could not ask for more. I am also lucky because Big Guy still likes to cuddle. He likes to cuddle on the couch watching cartoons, he likes to climb into my bed and cuddle and talk and he still likes to be picked up and held when he's tired or scared. The only problem is that Big Guy is getting, well, big. It's tiring to carry him around for any length of time. I do it whenever I can but wow, he's getting heavy.
Today I have officially lost the same number of pounds Big Guy weighs. I thought it was mind boggling when I lost a whole Little Guy but a Big Guy? Whoa. Had I really been carrying around an almost 5 year old? Huh? No wonder I was tired all the time, no wonder I didn't want to exercise, no wonder the stairs sent me into heavy breathing. I had been carrying around a small child 24/7.
Alas, I have lost a whole Big Guy. I'm hoping to lose at least another ;)
Every day on this pre-op diet is a challenge, some more than others. Some days I am fine and have little desire to cheat. Other days I crave food like there is no tomorrow and, sadly, I sometimes crack and eat. I haven't been horrible by any means; some extra meat, a few crackers, etc. I also never do it more than once a day. Still, it leads to a slight sense of failure and disappointment. This weight loss journey is about so much more than weight. I literally fight with myself all day long to stick to the plan and focus on the goal, it's all consuming. I have mood swings that cry out for Prozac and I feel badly for the people around me whom witness them. I am doing the best that I can and I try to remind myself of that but when you fall short of who you want to be it's hard not to beat yourself up. I am so ready for this journey, more than I ever have been in my life but I can honestly say it's nothing like what I expected.
So in the spirit of trying to stay positive and look toward the future I am going to list some of the things that have already changed for the good.
* I am wearing a size 20 in some bottoms and all of my shirts are getting to be way too big. * People are noticing the loss now and commenting on how good I look. * My rings are all too big. * I had to move the seat in my car up b/c my ass is shrinking. * I went to a baseball game and fit comfortably in the seat. * I can bend over to tie my shoes AND breathe at the same time. * I ran an entire lap around the high school track. I LOVE to run and am soooo happy to be able to start. * My kids are so much more aware of healthy foods and exercise than they ever were and I see them making better choices. * All of my walking routes need to be lengthened b/c I am finishing them a lot faster. * I can run up the stairs of my apartment and not be out of breath (walking them used to be strenuous). * When I am laying down I can feel my ribs and breastbone.
I am very happy about the progress that I have made and so hopeful for the changes that are yet to come.