Friday, June 26, 2009
It's silver, digital and sits in the corner of my bathroom. It doesn't sound like much but this small object has so much power and control over me it's crazy. If you haven't guess, it's my scale. Some days I love it and some days I want to throw it out the window and watch it shatter into a bazillion pieces. Today is one of those days. This pre-op diet has been no picnic (literally). Yesterday morning though when the scale went down I felt so much better about it, it was working! I started to feel less anxious about surgery day, I have HUGE anxiety that I won't have lost enough and get cancelled. This morning I was looking forward to stepping on the scale. Yesterday I was super busy and ate very, very little plus I went for a nice walk. So I stepped on, watched the lines dance around and the results were.........I gained nearly a pound. Huh?? What? I'm sorry what did you say? It's so frustrating and disheartening. I know there are many reasons for the fluctuation and I have no doubt it will be gone in a heartbeat but....I didn't lose anything. Seriously, why am I working so hard at this for that. Sigh......here's hoping tomorrow is better, I can't handle the ups and downs of this game.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
I have hope. The past two days have been miserable. I've been hungry but nothing I am allowed to eat sounded good. I have been craving something as simple as crackers and fruit. I struggle with wanting to cheat but know that I am doing the right thing and the guilt/fear wouldn't be worth it. This morning feels different. I may not feel this way come afternoon but for now I am hopeful. The scale dropped nearly two pounds this AM so that is pretty motivating. For my kids sake let's all hope that the sugar withdrawal is coming to an end and the raving lunatic that replaced their mommy is gone.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Today was my pre-admission testing day. It went really well. I had to fill out a brief health questionnaire, give blood, have an EKG, do vitals and meet with a nurse to discuss instructions. I was out in about 30 minutes. The worse part was the blood. The phlebotomist needs a new profession. She was having a hard time finding a vein and then found one that rolled a little. She used the alcohol wipe and cleaned her finger so she could use that to help stabilize the vein. It didn't work. She kept having to move the needle and fish around ~ OUCH! I survived, it's done, I'm moving on. In talking with the nurse she said that she has actually seen my surgeon weigh people on surgery day and then cancel their surgery b/c they have failed to lose weight. Scary. I started my pre-op diet, designed to help you drop pounds FAST, so the rational part of my brain tells me everything will be fine. The irrational part is a whole different story.
Pre-op diet has been OK. I would literally KILL for crackers with peanut butter right now but I am not allowed. I'm nauseous and head achy but I hear that's from the lack of carbs and sugar. Fun. I have a feeling that the next few days are not going to be pretty. I apologize to everyone now :)