Thursday, February 12, 2009

A dime

Yesterday at my support group meeting I learned an interesting lap band fact. The opening is about the size of a dime and can get as small as a pencil. That is where all your food has to pass through, hence all of the dietary restrictions. I knew the opening was small and had seen pictures but it never really hit home until those words were used; dime and pencil. Wow. I guess that's why I have to make sure to chew everything so well and why a lot of people have trouble with regurgitation (YUCK).

Yesterday's group consisted of about 20 pre-op patients and 1 post-op. The woman who was post-op is almost at her one year bandiversary. She has lost 57 pounds over the year. Is it wrong that I hope for more for myself? They say that they consider it successful when you lose 1/2 of your excess weight. It is possible to lose more than that if you are really working at it and possible to lose less if you are cheating the program. While I am very happy with the thought of losing 70+ pounds I still have a bit of a problem wrapping my brain around that being my goal. I want more than that, I think. Don't get me wrong. Right around 200 sounds amazing to me right now. I was last that weight my second year in college and it was wonderful. I was a size 14/16 and able to do a lot more than I do now. I think the hard part is changing my idea of what ideal weight is. I've always wanted to be that ideal weight that the charts think I should be. I need to come up with a new version of "ideal" weight.

The score is -1, -1, +2


-1 is for another pound I lost!! The scale greeted me with 282 this AM and that makes me quite happy.

-1 is for one of only two pairs of jeans I had that fit falling apart and heading to the trash can.

+2 is for the two pairs of pants I pulled out of the drawer (the these haven't fit in over a year drawer) that now fit!!!! Woohoo!!!

I think if you check the score I am winning!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I Should Join the Circus

I *think* I have now jumped through all of the hoops for the Bariatric Surgery Center. I attended an info. session, got my referrals, saw the social worker and dietitian, am losing weight and exercising, have filled out all of my forms and today attended the required support group. Whew. Hopefully my file is now complete and will move to the surgeons office and I will get an appointment.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Wanna Know a Secret?

I'm afraid of having a heart attack. I'm not so much afraid of the physical ramifications, though I am afraid I would die. What I am most afraid of though, is getting those looks from the doctors, those pitiful looks that say "she could have prevented this" or "I can't believe she's 31 and having a heart attack".

I woke up in the middle of the night last week and was in severe pain. I had pain from my collar bone all the way down my chest and stomach. It was bad. I had to use some Lamaze breathing and even that was difficult to do. I took my blood pressure and it was high, esp. since it was the middle of the night. I tried to convince myself it was stomach pains, gas pains, anything but a heart attack. Eventually though I started to worry, what if I am having a heart attack? Now, I'm not the type to worry about things like that, I don't run to the ER with a splinter and always think things are minor even when they aren't. So the fact that I was worried should tell you how bad it was. Eventually, 30 minutes or so later, I started to feel better. I was still nauseous and in a little pain but I did fall asleep and woke up feeling fine. What was it? Who knows.

On a more positive note, I have lost 23 pounds! I guess that means I am back on track. Phew.