Yesterday at my support group meeting I learned an interesting lap band fact. The opening is about the size of a dime and can get as small as a pencil. That is where all your food has to pass through, hence all of the dietary restrictions. I knew the opening was small and had seen pictures but it never really hit home until those words were used; dime and pencil. Wow. I guess that's why I have to make sure to chew everything so well and why a lot of people have trouble with regurgitation (YUCK).
Yesterday's group consisted of about 20 pre-op patients and 1 post-op. The woman who was post-op is almost at her one year bandiversary. She has lost 57 pounds over the year. Is it wrong that I hope for more for myself? They say that they consider it successful when you lose 1/2 of your excess weight. It is possible to lose more than that if you are really working at it and possible to lose less if you are cheating the program. While I am very happy with the thought of losing 70+ pounds I still have a bit of a problem wrapping my brain around that being my goal. I want more than that, I think. Don't get me wrong. Right around 200 sounds amazing to me right now. I was last that weight my second year in college and it was wonderful. I was a size 14/16 and able to do a lot more than I do now. I think the hard part is changing my idea of what ideal weight is. I've always wanted to be that ideal weight that the charts think I should be. I need to come up with a new version of "ideal" weight.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
The score is -1, -1, +2
Confused?
-1 is for another pound I lost!! The scale greeted me with 282 this AM and that makes me quite happy.
-1 is for one of only two pairs of jeans I had that fit falling apart and heading to the trash can.
+2 is for the two pairs of pants I pulled out of the drawer (the these haven't fit in over a year drawer) that now fit!!!! Woohoo!!!
I think if you check the score I am winning!
-1 is for another pound I lost!! The scale greeted me with 282 this AM and that makes me quite happy.
-1 is for one of only two pairs of jeans I had that fit falling apart and heading to the trash can.
+2 is for the two pairs of pants I pulled out of the drawer (the these haven't fit in over a year drawer) that now fit!!!! Woohoo!!!
I think if you check the score I am winning!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I Should Join the Circus
I *think* I have now jumped through all of the hoops for the Bariatric Surgery Center. I attended an info. session, got my referrals, saw the social worker and dietitian, am losing weight and exercising, have filled out all of my forms and today attended the required support group. Whew. Hopefully my file is now complete and will move to the surgeons office and I will get an appointment.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Wanna Know a Secret?
I'm afraid of having a heart attack. I'm not so much afraid of the physical ramifications, though I am afraid I would die. What I am most afraid of though, is getting those looks from the doctors, those pitiful looks that say "she could have prevented this" or "I can't believe she's 31 and having a heart attack".
I woke up in the middle of the night last week and was in severe pain. I had pain from my collar bone all the way down my chest and stomach. It was bad. I had to use some Lamaze breathing and even that was difficult to do. I took my blood pressure and it was high, esp. since it was the middle of the night. I tried to convince myself it was stomach pains, gas pains, anything but a heart attack. Eventually though I started to worry, what if I am having a heart attack? Now, I'm not the type to worry about things like that, I don't run to the ER with a splinter and always think things are minor even when they aren't. So the fact that I was worried should tell you how bad it was. Eventually, 30 minutes or so later, I started to feel better. I was still nauseous and in a little pain but I did fall asleep and woke up feeling fine. What was it? Who knows.
On a more positive note, I have lost 23 pounds! I guess that means I am back on track. Phew.
I woke up in the middle of the night last week and was in severe pain. I had pain from my collar bone all the way down my chest and stomach. It was bad. I had to use some Lamaze breathing and even that was difficult to do. I took my blood pressure and it was high, esp. since it was the middle of the night. I tried to convince myself it was stomach pains, gas pains, anything but a heart attack. Eventually though I started to worry, what if I am having a heart attack? Now, I'm not the type to worry about things like that, I don't run to the ER with a splinter and always think things are minor even when they aren't. So the fact that I was worried should tell you how bad it was. Eventually, 30 minutes or so later, I started to feel better. I was still nauseous and in a little pain but I did fall asleep and woke up feeling fine. What was it? Who knows.
On a more positive note, I have lost 23 pounds! I guess that means I am back on track. Phew.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
17 Degrees
To Mainers, that's nothing. It's a little chilly but not cold.
This morning I got up and turned the computer on to check the temperature, 17 degrees. To walk or not to walk...hmm..... True, 17 degrees isn't all that cold and there wasn't any wind so what was my problem? 17 is cold when you have just rolled out from under a down comforter. 17 is cold when you have an adorable 2 year old who wants you to cuddle and watch cartoons. 17 is cold when you need an excuse to not go out and walk.
I found myself using that last one, an excuse not to walk. Instead of heading to the couch I laced up my sneakers, grabbed some gloves, my MP3 player and one of our dogs and took off. It wasn't really that cold. I was just getting into a good pace when Tucker, the dog, started to limp. He was walking on 3 paws and looking pathetic. I tried to see if he had ice in his paw but he wouldn't let me. So I caved and said "let's go home then." The little bugger turned around and started pulling me to the house, on all 4 paws. Apparently if none of the other reasons not to walk at 17 degrees work you pull out all the stops and fake an injury.
This morning I got up and turned the computer on to check the temperature, 17 degrees. To walk or not to walk...hmm..... True, 17 degrees isn't all that cold and there wasn't any wind so what was my problem? 17 is cold when you have just rolled out from under a down comforter. 17 is cold when you have an adorable 2 year old who wants you to cuddle and watch cartoons. 17 is cold when you need an excuse to not go out and walk.
I found myself using that last one, an excuse not to walk. Instead of heading to the couch I laced up my sneakers, grabbed some gloves, my MP3 player and one of our dogs and took off. It wasn't really that cold. I was just getting into a good pace when Tucker, the dog, started to limp. He was walking on 3 paws and looking pathetic. I tried to see if he had ice in his paw but he wouldn't let me. So I caved and said "let's go home then." The little bugger turned around and started pulling me to the house, on all 4 paws. Apparently if none of the other reasons not to walk at 17 degrees work you pull out all the stops and fake an injury.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
And then it rained on my parade....
That last post, just a little while ago ended with hope. My hopes have been dashed. S was supposed to work until 4 tonight which left me a HUGE window to go for a walk before bed. Now she has to work until 9 :( So I'll have to load the kids into the double stroller and bring them with me. Not horrible but certainly not ideal. My walks are good "me" time.
After that walk I'll have to bundle them up again at 8:40 to go pick up S at work. No fun.
Then I get an email that the support group I attended to meet the last requirement of the bariatric surgery center wasn't really a support group. It was a "group" not a "support group" and therefore doesn't count. That means that I have to either attend one next Wednesday from 2-3 or wait until the first Monday in March. All of this means that everything is getting pushed back and that is so frustrating. I really want to go next Wednesday but am encountering problems. I found a sitter for little guy, phew. Big guy has school and, I just remembered, a field trip. Parents are supposed to provide field trip transport for their children. So I have to cross my fingers that another parent will take pity on him and bring him in their car and then find someone to pick him up after and babysit until I can pick him up. UGH.
Add to that the inspection sticker and registration on my car were due last month and we just don't have the money to do it, the court wants more money for my dad's estate filing fees, I am short money to cover big guy's preschool tuition this month, and while moving furniture around one of my bookcases started to fall apart.
Thinking positive just doesn't seem to be cutting it right now.....bah.
After that walk I'll have to bundle them up again at 8:40 to go pick up S at work. No fun.
Then I get an email that the support group I attended to meet the last requirement of the bariatric surgery center wasn't really a support group. It was a "group" not a "support group" and therefore doesn't count. That means that I have to either attend one next Wednesday from 2-3 or wait until the first Monday in March. All of this means that everything is getting pushed back and that is so frustrating. I really want to go next Wednesday but am encountering problems. I found a sitter for little guy, phew. Big guy has school and, I just remembered, a field trip. Parents are supposed to provide field trip transport for their children. So I have to cross my fingers that another parent will take pity on him and bring him in their car and then find someone to pick him up after and babysit until I can pick him up. UGH.
Add to that the inspection sticker and registration on my car were due last month and we just don't have the money to do it, the court wants more money for my dad's estate filing fees, I am short money to cover big guy's preschool tuition this month, and while moving furniture around one of my bookcases started to fall apart.
Thinking positive just doesn't seem to be cutting it right now.....bah.
Train Wreck
OK, maybe that's a bit harsh. I feel more like a derailed train working towards a wreck. For some reason I have been unable to get back on track following this weekends adventures in cookie eating. I have been eating healthy meals but evil cravings keep coming out.
Yesterday I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast and made it all the way until lunch, yay! Lunch was a lean hamburger patty (no bun) and a salad. It was delicious, I felt full and then I heard something. It started out very soft "asdkfshfs". Huh? What? Then it got louder "candy". Finally it was all I could hear "CANDY!!! CANDY!!! CANDY!!!!" OK, I don't really hear voices per se but those are the thoughts that go through my head. I was warned of this by the social worker I met with. Her voices say "donut" and "diet coke". I tried and tried to find other things to do but before I knew it I was chewing away on some Laffy Taffy. UGH!!!!! The rest of the day went pretty well, I ate more than I should have but things were fairly healthy.
On top of the physical ramifications of eating cookies and candy (I am up several pounds AGAIN) their are the mental ones. I have been in a funk. I can't decide if I am in a funk because I haven't been doing well on the diet front or if I'm not doing well on the diet front because I am in a funk. Either way it needs to stop! So if anyone has some tips to pull yourself out of a funk please let me know. I tried cleaning and organizing yesterday (it appeals to my OCD side). I was very successful but felt no better. I wake up every day and declare it will be a better day, it just has to be. So today is it; today will be the better day. Today will be good. Today I will eat well. Today I will go for a walk. Today I will have patience. Today is the day.
Yesterday I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast and made it all the way until lunch, yay! Lunch was a lean hamburger patty (no bun) and a salad. It was delicious, I felt full and then I heard something. It started out very soft "asdkfshfs". Huh? What? Then it got louder "candy". Finally it was all I could hear "CANDY!!! CANDY!!! CANDY!!!!" OK, I don't really hear voices per se but those are the thoughts that go through my head. I was warned of this by the social worker I met with. Her voices say "donut" and "diet coke". I tried and tried to find other things to do but before I knew it I was chewing away on some Laffy Taffy. UGH!!!!! The rest of the day went pretty well, I ate more than I should have but things were fairly healthy.
On top of the physical ramifications of eating cookies and candy (I am up several pounds AGAIN) their are the mental ones. I have been in a funk. I can't decide if I am in a funk because I haven't been doing well on the diet front or if I'm not doing well on the diet front because I am in a funk. Either way it needs to stop! So if anyone has some tips to pull yourself out of a funk please let me know. I tried cleaning and organizing yesterday (it appeals to my OCD side). I was very successful but felt no better. I wake up every day and declare it will be a better day, it just has to be. So today is it; today will be the better day. Today will be good. Today I will eat well. Today I will go for a walk. Today I will have patience. Today is the day.
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