I'm afraid of having a heart attack. I'm not so much afraid of the physical ramifications, though I am afraid I would die. What I am most afraid of though, is getting those looks from the doctors, those pitiful looks that say "she could have prevented this" or "I can't believe she's 31 and having a heart attack".
I woke up in the middle of the night last week and was in severe pain. I had pain from my collar bone all the way down my chest and stomach. It was bad. I had to use some Lamaze breathing and even that was difficult to do. I took my blood pressure and it was high, esp. since it was the middle of the night. I tried to convince myself it was stomach pains, gas pains, anything but a heart attack. Eventually though I started to worry, what if I am having a heart attack? Now, I'm not the type to worry about things like that, I don't run to the ER with a splinter and always think things are minor even when they aren't. So the fact that I was worried should tell you how bad it was. Eventually, 30 minutes or so later, I started to feel better. I was still nauseous and in a little pain but I did fall asleep and woke up feeling fine. What was it? Who knows.
On a more positive note, I have lost 23 pounds! I guess that means I am back on track. Phew.
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