Sunday, February 8, 2009

Wanna Know a Secret?

I'm afraid of having a heart attack. I'm not so much afraid of the physical ramifications, though I am afraid I would die. What I am most afraid of though, is getting those looks from the doctors, those pitiful looks that say "she could have prevented this" or "I can't believe she's 31 and having a heart attack".

I woke up in the middle of the night last week and was in severe pain. I had pain from my collar bone all the way down my chest and stomach. It was bad. I had to use some Lamaze breathing and even that was difficult to do. I took my blood pressure and it was high, esp. since it was the middle of the night. I tried to convince myself it was stomach pains, gas pains, anything but a heart attack. Eventually though I started to worry, what if I am having a heart attack? Now, I'm not the type to worry about things like that, I don't run to the ER with a splinter and always think things are minor even when they aren't. So the fact that I was worried should tell you how bad it was. Eventually, 30 minutes or so later, I started to feel better. I was still nauseous and in a little pain but I did fall asleep and woke up feeling fine. What was it? Who knows.

On a more positive note, I have lost 23 pounds! I guess that means I am back on track. Phew.


  1. way to go colleen-on the 23 lbs! as for the heart attack fears...the only thing you can do is control the factors you have control over. That is what you're doing, right? So, hang on to that! Put that on your list of reasons... Keep going! How much do you have to go before surgery??

  2. Thanks Cara, I will add that to my list of reasons! I have 7 more pounds to go!

  3. Yeah for the 23 pounds!!!! You go girl!!

  4. Congrats on the weight loss, kid - though you've always been beautiful...Check out your gall bladder, perhaps. I understand the pain is similar to the symptoms you describe. DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, but you should see me operate.

  5. Aw, thanks Tony! I have missed your humor (DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, but you should see me operate.)

    I would check out my gallbladder but that bad boy is laying in medical waste somewhere, had it out shortly after having Riley. Thanks for thinking of it though! OOoooo, just saw you have a new post...gotta go read!