Working on the mind set

I am back to really thinking about lap band. For a while I was angry at the whole process and swore I could do this on my own...yea right. So I am back to reading about lap band and perusing the forums trying to find hope again. I'm still scared about having surgery and scared about the permanent changes I have to make but more scared that without I will live the rest of my life in my current state which I am just not happy about. My biggest concern/fear is that I will fail at this even with the lap band. What then? It's hard to fail with the lap band but definitely possible if you set your mind to it.

That's where I am at.....oh yea, I joined the gym too!

Hi

Hi everyone, me here, still stuck at 286. Whatever. I haven't really done anything that would warrant losing so it's my own fault. I am going to the gym today, they are having a great deal on membership prices right now and I just have to do it.

In other news our family is going on it's first ever vacation Monday! It's only a one nighter but the kids are super excited. Me?? Well, I'm excited for the kids. We are going to an indoor water park which means me in a bathing suit....yuck. I normally avoid that at all costs but have decided to step up and do this for the kids. It's not always just about me, I swear, I am not that kind of person (just in this blog and on the weight loss front).

I checked in on a friends weight loss today and she gained a pound this week. I was fully prepared to be jealous that she lost again while I sat still but that was not the case. Instead I feel for her, while it sucks to be stuck it would suck more to go up again. This friend is the one who really got me thinking about lap band. It was her intention to have the surgery but then there were insurance issues and blah blah blah and she couldn't do it. I still haven't jumped that hurdle yet. The surgery center says that I shouldn't have a problem getting my insurance to pay but I just won't know until after I meet with the surgeon on June 1 and they submit the paperwork. Scary to think that one person sitting behind a desk working for an insurance company could bring this all to a screeching halt. Yikes!!

That's all from here....hope you are doing well!

I'm doing it...again

I had a great week health wise. I walked 4 times this week, yay! I even managed to eat well, yay again! However, this AM I weigh in at............... 286.

Now I have a confession. Last weekend I was 289 :O I hated it, it sucked, I was pissed at myself. So, 286 this week will do. -3 from last weekend and that is a good thing.

At this point in the game I usually give up and say F it, I'm going to eat what I want b/c this obviously isn't working. But, it is working....I'm still down 20 pounds and while I haven't managed to keep losing I am not allowing myself to re-gain or worse re-gain +++ I think that's an accomplishment.

Thanks Hungry Girl!!

I tried a recipe from Hungry Girl last night and am so excited to share it with you!!! There are a LOT of ingredients but once you have them all on hand it's a super easy recipe to follow and the result is AMAZING!! The recipe is for healthy Oatmeal Breakfast Cookies and you can find it here (click and then scroll down):
http://www.hungry-girl.com/girls/biteoutdetails.php?isid=1523

Seriously, I was expecting mediocre/edible cookies that I could live with but these are so tasty it's crazy and the nutrition facts are awesome!

Cancelled

I had to cancel my assessment for this AM. Big guy has a nasty cold and I can't take him with me or ask anyone else to watch him, he wants mommy. I'm OK with it though. I don't think I could afford the personal training now that I am jobless. I do think I can swing Planet Fitness since their rates are so low. So, I think I'll go sign up at Planet Fitness this week and get started. I had a membership there once before and never really used it but I am in a different frame of mind now so I hope that it will be different. At least I'll have evenings free to go now that I don't have a job :) It's my goal to go 3 nights a week and one weekend day to start. I think that's reasonable and attainable.

I'm ready to get my ass kicked....

Into high gear that is....

There's a fitness studio within walking distance of my house. They offer group classes and personal training. Unfortunately they are a bit on the pricey side. After much thought I have made an appointment for a fitness evaluation on Monday. From there my trainer and I will decide if 1) I would ever survive the adult classes offered and 2) if personal training is the best bet. I can't afford to do it for long but am hoping it will kick my ass for a few weeks and then I'll be able to carry it over and continue on my own. The great thing is that they don't have gym equipment, it's a good old fashioned drop and give me 20 kind of workout. That means it's stuff I'll be able to do at home too. I'm nervous about Monday and S nailed it tonight when she said "nervous about what, being judged?" Yup, you got it. Oh well, they've seen worse right? right?

So that's my big leap into the land of exercise. I'll keep walking as well but know I need more. Wish me luck!

I suck

I'm having problems with a few friends, I guess I'm not as great a friend as I once thought and people are choosing not to spend time with me.

Today I lost my job.

I suck, I'm depressed, things aren't going well.

Oh yea, I'm back up to 286. I suck.