Morbidly obese? When the hell did that happen?
I have been overweight my ENTIRE life. Seriously. I can remember going to the pediatrician when I was around 8 years old and listening to the doctor tell my father that I was overweight. "Control her eating" he said "help her make better choices" was his advice. Thanks a lot doc. To my dad better choices meant adding ketchup to your fried kielbasa and waiting until 9 for cookies. He was not the right person to tell this to. No one "controlled" my eating, no one helped me make better choices. I was alone. I remember being very sad about what the doctor had said. Food was my friend, how could I give that up? I didn't, and here I sit today at my heaviest weight of 306 pounds.
There have been ups and downs on the scale front. I've dieted a LOT. In fact most of my life has revolved around diets. I've exercised too, even if it's not my favorite thing. I've been successful and lost 30-40 pounds at a time! I plateau, I get discouraged, a gain a little back and before I know it I've gained it all back and then some....and then some more.
I have now come to a point in my life where I am ready. Ready to make some big decisions, ready to change, and ready to live my life. Big decision number 1: I am going to have weight loss surgery, lap band to be specific. Now I know some of you out there are against this for many reasons and believe me, I think I have heard them all. Here's the thing.....I've tried, for over 22 years, and I've failed. I need help. It is not easy for me to ask for help and so I ask; if you cannot be supportive of this decision that I have made please be gentle in the words you use. This is not a decision I made one morning after watching the numbers pop up on the scale, nor one I made in the middle of the night while eating a twinkie. This decision has taken years. Years of researching, soul searching, doctor visits, and giving it my all to do this on my own.
I am happy to say that I was accepted into a terrific bariatric surgery program! I went to an informational session, got a referral from my primary care physician and am on the road to weight loss surgery. I have read all the literature, filled out the paperwork and am preparing for my first appointment on December 30th. On that day I will meet with a social worker. This person will make sure that this is something I can handle mentally and emotionally. They will also make sure that this is a lifestyle change that I am really ready to make. The next appointment I have will be with the center's nutritionist. She will teach me all about the new diet I will have to follow post-op and ensure that I am well educated in all things food so that I can be successful. Finally I will have a consultation with the surgeon and set the date for my surgery. This whole process will take months and in the meantime I am required to lose 10% of my weight on my own to prove my dedication to the program.
So there it is, big decision #1. I've already made big decision #2, you are reading it. This is a hard thing to share with the world. Being overweight you learn to hide so coming here to share all of this is huge. Almost as huge as I am right now (OK, that's fat girl humor.....).