Weigh In

35 Pounds gone forever.....my clothes are too big, I have more energy, I fit places I didn't before, I ache less, I LIKE to walk/hike with the family, and I feel more like me.

Sad

So I emailed my insurance company because I couldn't stand the wait anymore. They called today. I'm not happy. Apparently they received the request for my surgery in the mail TODAY, 2 weeks 2 days after my appointment. The woman I spoke with said that it would be a few weeks until a decision was made and that until a decision was made nothing would be covered. They also can not retroactively cover anythng. So, those pre-op tests I was scheduled for Tuesday? Not going to happen. No pre-op tests=no surgery. I just emailed the surgeon's office to see what I should do but at this point it's my best guess that my surgery will be postponed. I'm very sad, very frustrated and just feel let down. I just wish that for once things could go smoothly and easily. I'm up for a challenge now and again but doesn't everyone deserve a break??

As Promised.....

The Pre-Op Diet

One week from today I begin my two week pre-op diet. Here's what it looks like;

Option 1:
3 protein shakes
1 Lean cuisine style frozen meal (under 300 calories)
2oz lean meat
1 cup cooked veggie
1 med. piece of fruit
4oz low fat milk/yogurt
1 tsp reg fat or 1 TBS light fat (margerine, butter, oil, salad dressing)

Option 2:
3 protein shakes
4oz lean meat
1/2 cup or 1 oz starch (potato, rice, pasta, etc)
1 cup cooked veggie
1 medium piece of fruit
4 oz low fat milk/yogurt
1 tsp reg fat or 1 TBS light fat (margerine, butter, oil, salad dressing)

With both options I get unlimited raw veggies. I need to drink 8 cups of non-carbonated liquids per day and that includes any protein shakes, water, crystal light, sugar free popsicles, sugar free jello, fat free broth, decaf herbal tea, etc.

The day before surgery I can not have any solid food and am allowed 5 protein shakes and non caloric liquids.

It will be hard but nothing is impossible with determination.

Tick Tock

I am still waiting to hear from my insurance company. It will be two weeks tomorrow and I'm getting really anxious.

Diet wise I have been doing OK. I am trying not to get the "last supper syndrome" and eat everything in front of me. I have had a few splurges here and there but I have maintained my loss and am still down slightly over 31 pounds. I've been walking every day so that helps. I am hoping to maybe lose 2-3 pounds this week before my pre-op appointment on the 23rd.

Other than that things are same old same old. I've been spending more time on lapbandtalk.com and obesityhelp.com reading up on lapband experiences etc. I feel fairly prepared for what lies ahead.

Where Have All the Flowers Gone

Lately I have felt invisible. I haven't heard from many of my friends in at least a week and I'm feeling pretty alone. I did get the chance to get together with my friend Robin the other day and it was great! It got me out of my funk for a bit, I laughed, we had fun. Where is everyone else? I know ths whole weight loss thing has sucked me in and can be consuming but I am still me. I don't obsess over it when hanging out with friends, in fact, I try to avoid talking about it because most just don't understand. It's just weird, everyone seems to have faded away when I really need them the most. Sigh. That's all.

Feelings

I have had, from the start, mixed emotions regarding the lap band surgery. I KNOW that I NEED it, I have 20+ years of trying to diet behind me to prove that. The hard part is processing that I really can not do this on my own. It's hard to accept that you are failing yourself, if that makes any sense. I know it has to do with my body and it is considered a disease but still, I feel like I have failed myself. I have been working on changing that thought process. In having the surgery and losing the weight I am succeeding and would only be failing if I stayed morbidly obese for my life. There are many other emotions floating around too. Saying good bye to food is hard. I have used food more for emotional satisfaction than physical and it's hard to let that go and find other ways to cope. It is also hard to fight such an uphill battle for so long. Losing the weight is motivating but there are days, weeks when I just want to be able to eat whatever looks or sounds good and not think about it. In preparing for the surgery I am also having to ask people for help, not my strong suit. Then there are all the people around me who see my brave facade and think nothing of this. Little do they know that inside I am very scared. It's nothing I really want to talk about right now but it's hard that people think I am fine and excited and have no fears. This is surgery, there will be anesthesia, there will be pain, there could be complications.....scary. Plus, what if the band doesn't work for me? For some people it just doesn't work, it's not the right tool. What then? I can not, will not do gastric bypass, it's just too extreme for me. SO what? Be fat my whole life? struggle with diets forever? I know, I know, I'm jumping ahead into the unknown but these are the places my mind has been lately. I just feel like I have a life ahead of me that's very different from where I am now. I know that if I lose the weight I will be more confident and get out and live my life more. I worry that I'll never get there and never be the real me.

Celebrate

Wow, I had no idea I'd hit this milestone today. Last week I was up several pounds and over the weekend they just kept falling off. I know a lot was water weight but seriously, the scale shocked me this morning. I'm happy about it though :)