Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I Fell Off the Wagon

Where to begin.....

Last weeks news of the surgeons appointment being delayed sent me into a downward spiral. I was angry and disappointed and, unfortunately, I turned to food. I snapped out of it quickly and by Saturday I was back down to my low of 282. Phew. Then I landed face first, mouth open, into my son's second birthday party. The party was supposed to be at 2 but because of bad weather approaching a lot of guests decided to come earlier in the day. I ended up with people in and out from 9-3:45. It was a great time and we had a lot of fun. I also ate, a LOT. People in and out all day through off my schedule and I grazed all day long. I ate things I should not have and I ate too much. It wasn't pretty. I went to bed that night vowing that the next day I would get back on track. I did not. If I told you everything that I ate yesterday you would be disgusted. I have no idea what came over me. I am paying for it now though, the scale is not happy. I can not believe how much weight I put on in a few short days, seriously, it's bad. I know it will come off again but wow, it's an eye opener!

Now, on to the positives.
1) I realize I fell off the wagon and am owning up to it.
2) I have already started working on climbing back onto the wagon.

This morning my lovely little two year old got me up at 5:50 AM. I decided that if I was already up I might as well go for a walk so I did! It was about a 25 minute walk and it felt good! I hope that it sets the tone for the rest of the day. So far so good but it's only 8AM.

I have made a huge decision regarding surgery. When I was complaining about having to wait so long to see the surgeon a lot of people kept telling me that everything happens for a reason. I know that but at the time it was not what I wanted to hear. I thought about it a lot over the past few days and have decided that if I can lose another 20-25 pounds on my own before my appointment I will not get the lap band. Sounds crazy doesn't it? I mean, I reserve the right to change my mind but for now that's the plan. The way I look at it is this. I have never been able to lose that much on my own or stay dedicated to a program for that long. If I can do it then I will know/hope I can do more. The band is only going to get me down to around 200 pounds, ideally. If I can lose another 20-25 on my own I'll be half way to that goal without being cut open. I know that I have dieted before and I know that I have lost weight before and not been successful long term but this time really feels different. It's hard to explain but it's just does. One of the big differences this time is that I have made this so public. Support has been a key part of my success to this point and I know it will be as I continue. Maybe that's all I needed all along, support. I don't know but I do want to try.


  1. Hey, I just want to let you know you're not the only one with a few bruises from falling off that darn wagon. :( I had about 5 days of bad-ness too. And gained back the 4 lbs I'd lost. Oy. What a disappointment. But, the important thing is to get back on the wagon, right? I'm back on and with ya! :) I hope you can make it on your own and not have the surgery! That would be awesome! No risks, huh?

  2. I think its great you are thinking of doing it on your own. Like you said, you cant explain it but this time feels differently. Now you have some time to try hard on your own to see how you will do. You have done so much on your own already. Falling off the wagon is just a great wake up call. It sucks, but its a motivater too! Jen

  3. Wow, I'm really admiring your motivation!
    Any chance of a walk tonight? I'll be home by 6:30pm...

  4. I've fallen off different wagons in my life, Colleen (I was once a three-pack a day guy), and I have learned that wagons have handrails and steps, and lots of them have people reaching out to help.
    You're doing a great job, and I'm proud of you.

  5. Thanks for all the continued support everyone, it really does mean the world to me!!!

  6. You can do it, Colleen! We're all rooting for you! You're bound to have set backs, that's life. At least you're owning up to it and moving on. :)