Saturday, November 14, 2009

Random Thoughts

Random thought #1:
The past week has gone really well food and exercise wise. I have dropped 7 of the extra 10 pounds, so 3 to go back to my low! And then, the 230's! I was sitting here trying to think about what the difference was, what clicked and made me eat less/better when I realized it wasn't so much that something clicked but that I started to care again. Woohoo Prozac. I still feel kind of in a fog and everything still feels gray but gray is better than black, right? I now realize that those months when I couldn't get my head in the game and was eating whatever I wanted it was because I just didn't care, it wasn't important to me anymore which really means I wasn't important to me anymore. Hello depression! So, I'm glad I do care again and that the changes are making a difference. It's always my fear that I'll return to good eating behaviors and exercise and I won't lose.

Random thought #2:
It has been a year since I started this process. I don't remember the date exactly that I decided I would do this but it was around the beginning of November. I went to my program's seminar at the end of November and it all went on from there. In a year I managed to lose 65 pounds, wow. Considering 45 pounds of that was on my own, pre-banding in July, I'm pretty excited. I definitely proved to myself that I could do it and I know that my success over the past year is what keeps me saying that I know I WILL lose the weight. I feel confident about it now because I have been successful. I am also happy that over this past year I yo-yo'd a little but I always get back to my low, and lower. I could never say that before. During any other diet in my life if I regained at all chances were I would throw in the towel and give up. Not now.

Random thought #3:
Someday I will look back on this post and smile. I am glad that I write about my journey so that in the years to come I can look back and see how far I've come.


  1. Good for you, half the battle is just over coming our own self doubts, etc. Glad to see that you are coming out of the fog & feeling more up! You have done very well & glad to hear that you are not going to give up!! 65lbs in one year is nothing to be ashamed of, in fact, it is pretty fantastic!!!

  2. Thank you! You're right, it is pretty fantastic esp. considering there were at least 3-4 months this year when I didn't lose anything. I'm happy with it!

  3. I'm proud of you too. And I'm glad you're facing up to your own self-worth. Why that's so hard to do, I don't know, but it is such a difficult thing!

  4. I am glad the prozac is working for you- it's hard to see that you're depressed when you're right in the middle of it.

    Sounds like you're doing so well- what an amazing journey :-)