My Saturday secret is not about my weight.
My secret is that I am embarrassed by how little I knew my Grandmother who passed away today. I remember spending a good deal of time at her house when I was a young child but, as a child, I didn't really get to "know" her. We moved away from where she lived at an age where I believe I would have gotten to know her and once we moved back I just never made the effort. I was scared because I didn't feel comfortable around her anymore b/c of the years we had spent apart. My cousins had all lived close by and were very comfortable with her and always visiting her. I felt left out and didn't know how to fix it. Mostly I didn't have enough confidence in myself and didn't feel like I would have anything to say that Grandma, or anyone, would care about.
So today my Grandmother passed away. I am sad, not because she is gone, she lived a long life. I am sad because I couldn't get over my lack of confidence in time to get to know a great person.
I love you Grandma and hope you know that. Please forgive me for not being more present in your life. I thought of you often and have to hope that that counts for something somewhere. Rest in peace.
2 days ago