Every day on this pre-op diet is a challenge, some more than others. Some days I am fine and have little desire to cheat. Other days I crave food like there is no tomorrow and, sadly, I sometimes crack and eat. I haven't been horrible by any means; some extra meat, a few crackers, etc. I also never do it more than once a day. Still, it leads to a slight sense of failure and disappointment. This weight loss journey is about so much more than weight. I literally fight with myself all day long to stick to the plan and focus on the goal, it's all consuming. I have mood swings that cry out for Prozac and I feel badly for the people around me whom witness them. I am doing the best that I can and I try to remind myself of that but when you fall short of who you want to be it's hard not to beat yourself up. I am so ready for this journey, more than I ever have been in my life but I can honestly say it's nothing like what I expected.
So in the spirit of trying to stay positive and look toward the future I am going to list some of the things that have already changed for the good.
* I am wearing a size 20 in some bottoms and all of my shirts are getting to be way too big.
* People are noticing the loss now and commenting on how good I look.
* My rings are all too big.
* I had to move the seat in my car up b/c my ass is shrinking.
* I went to a baseball game and fit comfortably in the seat.
* I can bend over to tie my shoes AND breathe at the same time.
* I ran an entire lap around the high school track. I LOVE to run and am soooo happy to be able to start.
* My kids are so much more aware of healthy foods and exercise than they ever were and I see them making better choices.
* All of my walking routes need to be lengthened b/c I am finishing them a lot faster.
* I can run up the stairs of my apartment and not be out of breath (walking them used to be strenuous).
* When I am laying down I can feel my ribs and breastbone.
I am very happy about the progress that I have made and so hopeful for the changes that are yet to come.
The Closet, 2018
8 hours ago